Ask me about love and I’ll tell you many stories but there is one that wrapped around it all…
He was and will always be the person I didn’t fall in love with.
He was the one I remembered I had never stopped loving.
It was in a moment and then in every moment which changed everything I thought I knew about myself and life.
He appeared everywhere I was, even though he wasn’t there, and spent more time in my thoughts than me.
But no number of moments, and no amount of thinking would change that he didn’t want what I wanted.
And I wanted every part of him, completely, but he didn’t want that with me.
And the truth of that broke my heart.
Wide open.
To feel more love than I knew was possible because part of me was entirely happy with him choosing whatever he needed for himself.
Complete acceptance, understanding and love. Pain?
Of course, in waves.
I am human, so I walk between these two places, the human that wants what she can’t have and the essence of her that knows nothing but unconditional love.
So my love for someone who didn’t love me gave me more than I could have imagined.
I learnt how I could fall into the murky depths of love unreturned to the heights of pure love in a moment.
The dance of love in a full circle.
How the heart can break in the worst and best ways.
Held in one person's eyes, the direction of which I would see was always only ever leading back to me.
This person I had forgotten, but would remember I had never stopped loving.
Will never stop loving.
He held every piece of me.
And through it I saw, with that love, I could also love me.
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